Today has been difficult. I learnt some things about myself that I don’t necessarily like, and want to change. It’s a horrible realisation when you finally realise that sometimes you can be a dick. After a heated discussion at work with both parties seething, I decided to be billy brave bollocks and confront the situation head on , and get to the bottom of it. Having done that, it feels like I have had giant mirror put in front of me and I am forced to have a good long hard look at myself.

I really need to listen to people, rather than speak over them. Talking louder does not count as winning an argument nor having the last word is an indicator that I am the superior warrior during the battle of words, it just makes me childish. After hugging out the altercation, my colleague (the one I didn’t bite the head of) told me she was proud of me and that I handled it in a grown, mature way. Although I felt like a child who had to give up their prized toy after much protesting, I really appreciated them saying that. It made me realise that you win some or you learn, there is no loss.

No-one is better than you and you are no better than anyone else

– Grandad Penney

I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m not the one for splashing personal things all over the internet, but here I am. I don’t really know why I’m doing this, maybe it’s because one day I would like to be an author of an bestseller, or I am attempting to deflect from ranting to my fiancé, to channeling my crazy, random, psycho soliloquies into something more productive. Who knows? Whatever the reason, now seems the perfect time to start. Don’t ask why because I haven’t got a sodding clue.

I hate introductions, it’s awkward, it’s clumsy and I always get it so, so wrong. So this introduction isn’t going to be a‘to the floor scroll’ consisting of my favourite foods and what I do in my spare time. Firstly I don’t have a favourite food, I am a foodie and food is love, food is life. Secondly, I don’t want to bore myself writing crap I don’t even think about. I like to write, whether it’s on a page, in my phone notes app or even in my head, I like escaping into my own world, and this is part of that…unless I get bored or completely forget that I set a blog up in the first place.
All that you need to know is that I am somewhere between losing and finding myself. I believe that is something to do with the fact I am a 24 year old mother, trying to establish my own identity as well as nurture my daughter’s. At the same time, finding it hard to be a good partner, a working mum, housekeeper and friend. I find myself winging most of my life having no rule book, no instructions and no cricket in my pocket to be my conscience. I love life, I love my family and I love being a mom, but sometimes I just need to let off steam and this is my way of doing so.