Today has been difficult. I learnt some things about myself that I don’t necessarily like, and want to change. It’s a horrible realisation when you finally realise that sometimes you can be a dick. After a heated discussion at work with both parties seething, I decided to be billy brave bollocks and confront the situation head on , and get to the bottom of it. Having done that, it feels like I have had giant mirror put in front of me and I am forced to have a good long hard look at myself.

I really need to listen to people, rather than speak over them. Talking louder does not count as winning an argument nor having the last word is an indicator that I am the superior warrior during the battle of words, it just makes me childish. After hugging out the altercation, my colleague (the one I didn’t bite the head of) told me she was proud of me and that I handled it in a grown, mature way. Although I felt like a child who had to give up their prized toy after much protesting, I really appreciated them saying that. It made me realise that you win some or you learn, there is no loss.

I hate introductions, it’s awkward, it’s clumsy and I always get it so, so wrong. So this introduction isn’t going to be a‘to the floor scroll’ consisting of my favourite foods and what I do in my spare time. Firstly I don’t have a favourite food, I am a foodie and food is love, food is life. Secondly, I don’t want to bore myself writing crap I don’t even think about. I like to write, whether it’s on a page, in my phone notes app or even in my head, I like escaping into my own world, and this is part of that…unless I get bored or completely forget that I set a blog up in the first place.
All that you need to know is that I am somewhere between losing and finding myself. I believe that is something to do with the fact I am a 24 year old mother, trying to establish my own identity as well as nurture my daughter’s. At the same time, finding it hard to be a good partner, a working mum, housekeeper and friend. I find myself winging most of my life having no rule book, no instructions and no cricket in my pocket to be my conscience. I love life, I love my family and I love being a mom, but sometimes I just need to let off steam and this is my way of doing so.